Even Alice Got Her Wonderland
If I were to think like everybody else on the planet, maybe some consistency would prevail….
It feels like falling, through a rabbit hole or like your presence is slightly disjointed, like a movie reel skipping and the image jittering. Confusion sets in when your actions unbeknown to you are constantly affecting everyone around you in what they convey as drastic and terribly wrong. All retaliations thereafter are redundant due to disbelief that your silence is the cause of such grief… but then again it’s not the first time silence has put a stop to your life.
It feels like at any second Laurence Fishburne is going to dive out of a helicopter and give me an ultimatum between a blue and red bill. It is THAT disturbing to me, this place we’re supposed to call home. A home shouldn’t feel like this.
As depression sets in you can feel it surround and consume you like a big warm blanket ready to bring together every forgotten thought or dark nagging cloud once dispersed. This blanket however is so unbelievably ironic. As every bad thought enters in and scenarios, potential or reminisced all turns into the same pain and numbs you until you can’t feel it or anything else. They could all bring you back, sit you down and beat you blow after blow, but you’re in what feels like an apathetic, drunken stupor where nothing could possibly touch you anymore. It stops you from verbalising or creating any defence logically necessary, like your mind projects razors into the throat that forces your eyes to just observe the destruction falling around you.
“You may be acquainted with the night, but I have seen the darkness in the day.” – Amanda Palmer
There must come a point, statistically speaking, when someone out of the billions must break through the chaos and actually appreciate my deepened and emotional truth…
if they can get passed my stilted jawline that is.