Faith in Winter

So, 24 years old today, the big two four as the teens say. Today I officially become unattractive to all gay men alike…. but at least I get a free boost juice… right?

Now now, let’s not get over-dramatic, we all know life doesn’t end at 24. It’s over at 25!
So with this social theory in pace I have only one more year to fulfill all the things I have yet to experience. Mind you in my, some would say short life, I have experienced more than I would wish on anyone, not even all the-love-of-my-life-assholes-who-don’t-deserve-one-ounce-of-forgiveness. I’ve partaken in an abundance of torturous experiences including operations, near-death experiences, religious oppression, mind-fucks, sexual abrasions and enough heartache to soak the pages of every teen in this galaxy and the next… but there’s that one nagging land I’ve yet to discover. I’ve been given tastes, well, ‘a’ taste. Once. As fleeting as it was, it was a glimmer.

Every year I promise that it’s going to be the ‘happy year’ where regardless of outside stone-throwers I’ll manage to stand above the beaten and bruised, risen high amongst my accomplishments and face my new found reality that I am happy… or at least content. But happiness seems a dish best served microwaved. That’s right! It’s soggy and only seems to last a week at a time.

2009 was not my happy year but since I’ve been rooting for this magical year since my teens I wouldn’t be doing myself any poetic justice if I didn’t hold true for happy 2010. Although we have a couple months to go and hell, it’s spring! So may as well give one last urge of horoscope hopefulness and wish for the best!

In other fundamental anomalies I have recently changed my mobile phone number to escape the haunting grasp of the ex that just won’t die and leave me to wallow in my own misery. The obvious high points of this monumental occasion is that I yes, get to now choose whom in my contact list I WANT to have my new number and also a totally overlooked but in no way trivial occurrence….. The forever cancellation of my life in every myspace/facebook/deviantart/randominternetsiteinserthere aspect in the world from the “love of one’s life’. Yes, the love lost, the love that slipped through your fingers, the love you only began to glimpse, the love you spent 2 years getting over and scrambling over page over page of lyrics to create the songs for your new album. The one you knew you’d never ever ever ever ever ever ever never ever never never never ever hear from again butjustincaseheeverdoeshestillmighthaveyournumber…. and now he doesn’t.

With all the messed-up irony and kinky coincidences in the universe… I never saw this one coming… and wow, what an immense feeling of freedom!